The power of a butterfly flap

For this post, i would like to share some of the important lessons i learned that helped me a great deal not just in my career (as a project manager and aspiring product manager) but also in my personal life. To do that, first allow me to share with you my (slightly) personal story:

Once upon a time (in my life)…

Probably one of the earliest form of a community that i have (apart from my own family) is the church that i attended to since i was 13 or so (i wanted to use the phrase ‘the church i grew up in’ but i don’t want to sound like a homeless person).

That church was in a way, my whole world at the time. I started out just as a regular visitor, and then, just like you would in any organisation, i started to get more involved, know more people, started to help out in some activities, and before you know it, i was asked to help lead some of the youth there. To use a more corporate term, i started to climb up the leadership positions.

I didn’t mind the new found authority. It felt great for a young man as i was back then to have some kind of recognition, to be able to step up on a podium and speak up my mind, and people actually listened to what i was saying. I would even go so far as saying that at the time, i really identify myself with that church and the people there, a select few of them i consider as my own brothers and we still maintain a good relationship to this day. I spent most of the week nights at the church doing whatever activities our naive minds could conjure at the time, prayer nights, small groups, volunteers meeting, band rehearsals, you name it, we might have done it. At the time, that church was my world, and i gave it almost everything i had. My time, my energy, my money. Why wouldn’t i? It felt natural. You would also give everything you have to something you consider as your world, right?

Except it turns out that ‘world’ was not the world for me. At the time it was, but that’s the thing about time, it is constantly shifting, isn’t it? Time moves forward no matter how fondly you feel about a certain situation and how tightly you try to grip and hang on to something you cherish.

Time makes the world change. Sometimes it brings change through big, sudden events, but most of the time the change comes slowly. As time slowly flows, everything around us starts to drift and shift, like sands on a riverbank slowly eroded away.

For me, the change came in the form of a new ‘management’, if you will, that the church brought in. And let’s just say that the new leader has a different perspective about how we should build the church. In fact the difference gap was so wide that quite a number people who are considered as key volunteers decided to leave the church. I also eventually decided to leave the church, because somehow it didn’t feel right to stay. It felt different from the church i used to know. The people who i used to hung out with, who i consider my friends, and who sided with the new leader, now seems like a completely different person, just with the same memory. And finally, after spending roughly 9 years there, i also decided to leave.

Now, why does any of this matter

…you might ask?

This little incident in my life sparked a new way of thinking for me. I believe that although the event itself is not that remarkable, it created this sort of butterfly effect in my life that started out small, but over the years, it evolved into something that has significant effect in my life. Here are some of the things i’ve learned to do as a result from that little flap of an event.

Adapt to new things

You see, because i left the previous community, i need to look for a new one. And that’s a scary thing for me to do. Because you have to go into this uncharted territory, where you don’t know anybody, and nobody knows you or whatever it is you think you’ve done. But since then, i have found that in life you will have to try out, or rather, adapt to new things, whether you like it or not. New job, new project, new relationships, or any other types of change really. There’s a saying that in life nothing remains the same except for change itself. Change is the only constant. When you refuse to change, you essentially refuse to live.

Embrace differences

If you have been following my writings so far, you’d notice that this is a big thing for me. I left my previous church because i believed i was right and ‘they’ was wrong. The jury is still out on that one, but i’m no longer waiting for a definitive answer on who was right or wrong for that particular conflict. That’s no longer the point. The point is that we all have our own opinions and perspectives and biases and prejudices along with a whole hosts of other factors that makes us different with each other. The most important thing is to find out ways we can collaborate and enrich each other’s life through our diversity, not finding who among us has the absolute truth, or trying to force everyone else to conform and follow our version of truth. Humanity has plunged into countless debates, arguments, and wars trying to do just that.

Think for yourself

While there are so many differing opinions about every possible topic under the sun you could possibly think of, logically there’s only two possible path you can take. (1) you can either come up with your own opinion or (2) you can follow other people’s opinion. Now obviously, none of us can do exclusively either one for all issues. There will be cases where we feel strongly about something, and others where we will have to trust the opinion of others more competent than us. I learned that the important thing is not the path we take, but rather the decision process that takes us there. For example i think it’s quite foolish to blindly believe something just because ‘everyone says it’s cool, hip, modern (or whatever adjective you want)’. And it’s equally unwise to try and be different for difference sake. Salmons are famous for being the icon for going against the fold, for being anti-mainstream, until you realise that the very characteristic that makes them stand out is what makes them easy targets for bears.

Whether we are following other people’s opinion or stand firm on our own, it must come from a deliberate process. We have to discipline ourselves to look at all the facts, our unique situation, as well as the pros and cons before making the decision about it.

Always be ready to correct your mistakes

And while we are on the subject of opinions, the other important lesson i learned from this experience is that nobody. I repeat, nobody, ever got everything right, all the time. None. Zero. Nada.

It follows that, if people make mistakes sooner or later, then we should treat ideas like what Darwin proposes in his evolution theory. Let the wrong ideas die out. Pit ideas in some sort of idea cock fight and see which one stands out to scrutiny. If the idea checks out, we simply incorporate it to our lives. Sounds so simple right?

So why then do we stress ourselves with arguments and trying to defend a losing opinion? If you think about it, it’s because we have become so attached to an idea that it defines our identity (remember what i said about me identifying myself with my previous church?), thus making it very hard to accept flaws in that idea because that would also mean that our identity is flawed. Some people call this phenomenon, married to an idea. And i think it’s absurd. You should never marry yourself to anything that is not human, and even then people don’t seem to have a problem divorcing a human spouse, so why do we have so much trouble divorcing ourselves from an idea? But i digress…

I learned personally over the years that my belief doesn’t always correlate to facts. Even to this day i still notice there are things i do that are found wanting under further scrutiny. And yes, it will took some effort to even notice that you are mistaken. But we can’t stop there, noticing your mistake is useless if not followed by a correction, whether in your way of thinking or in your action.

In conclusion…

If you’ve been reading this far, i thank you deeply and i also hope that this will in some way help you to become a better. None of the things i shared here are ground-breaking or sky-splitting inspirational. Those are small, everyday things that we often overlook. But i can say confidently that those small things, as small as a butterfly flap, over time has evolved into something powerful, powerful enough to change the course of my life. I hope someday you will also share with me your butterfly flap story.